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Dear Uncle Lian.


Hello! I've actually been following you for a few years and reading your articles for a few years now. I'm ashamed to say that I've been diving in and out, not contributing anything substantial, but your articles have been inspiring me and nourishing me. Thank you so much!


I used to be a person with a wild mind, not a disciplinarian, probably related to my parents' long-term business outside, my parents always gave enough money to live, although I know that the family is also very short of money, but also can not control themselves, spending money in a big way. In the blink of an eye, I graduated from college, and after a few years in Nanjing, I talked to my girlfriend, and my job was okay, so I wanted to buy a house and get married. At this time, my father found out that diabetes, caused by eye complications, the family withdrew to a small city in the third or fourth tier home, at that time I realized that my father was old, can not do.


I also returned to my hometown and entered a state-owned enterprise unit to work. Father's disease repeatedly, eye complications before and after five surgeries, spent all the family's savings, but also maxed out my credit card, then I felt so useless, did not earn enough money to subsidize the family, before are moonlighters, no concept of savings. And then difficult, the day still has to live, the disease still has to cure, the wedding also has to be married, but the bride is not her. The change of job, the change of family, the disagreement of both families, plus the fact that we are not in the same city, all factors still separate us. The ex-girlfriend's family asked to buy a house in her city, I vaguely remember that night, my father took out the only 60,000 yuan at home, I called her to agree to her family's request, I also called, only this time is to propose a breakup, I still remember the phone she was crying and her family on the side to say I was a negative voice. I also hurt, we four or five years of feelings, together through a lot of things, her parents opposed a few years, she is firm and I together, this time I feel that I abandoned her. At that time I was very young, the current state of the family made me have to make this choice. Since then I feel that life is not free, the pressure is also big, as if the whole family overnight the burden on me alone.


Eight years have passed, during which life was difficult, but I still got married, bought a house, and my dad's condition was temporarily stabilized. However, in order to buy a house and get married and cure the disease, I have been in debt. A variety of credit cards, credit loans, online loans make me physically and mentally exhausted. I can't make ends meet with my salary, and the debt is getting bigger and bigger, even affecting my job. I have been hiding the problem of debt from my wife, I don't know for what reason, just from the beginning of the reluctance to say it has been hidden until years ago. Why now? One, I am in a financial institution, the unit clearly requires no debt. Two, I am in this city housing prices rise, three, the debt rollover has made me can not afford. I poured out all the debt to my wife over the years, and I thought she would divorce me, but she didn't. Emotions are there, a few days later, after our joint discussion, we sold our current set of small three-bedroom 105 square feet, catching up with rising prices and making a lot of money. The good thing is that the first suite did not use the CPF, we did a mixed loan and ruthlessly bought a large 140 square foot third home in the new area, to be delivered in three years. Next to it is an elementary school with strong teachers. One daughter is more than three years old, and she will come to this side to attend elementary school after kindergarten. I consider is to ensure that the children's schooling problems, so down it, my debt is paid off most of the children's school district problems are also guaranteed, and improve the living environment, and in a relatively good location, the work is also to the leadership to explain, solve most of the problems. Just our mortgage is also high, excluding the CPF loan, the monthly mortgage to pay nearly 5,000, and in the city to rent a house to live, the old house, but too far away to work inconvenient. I and my wife's current income will be just 10,000 a month, think about the next 30 years of mortgage, I am not buying big? I don't know if I'm right this year, I hope Uncle Lien will guide me!


Reply

The big crisis in your life has been solved and nothing can be difficult for you in the future.


It's not right to hide your debts from your wife. But I guess your wife is angry and happy when she heard your confession. Angry, of course, is that you did not tell her, nearly made irreparable financial crisis. Happy is, you do all this is really out of a sense of responsibility, their own parents and family to carry forward. Crisis is a turnaround, in this case is very obvious, open and honest, together with the face after you get through the crisis, the house has become bigger, the future days are like the house, will be better.


People grow up hard. Often, they grow up in the midst of unexpected hardships. These hardships may be the hardships of life, the hardships of finances, the hardships of love, the hardships of illness, the hardships of perception. Why is it that all these difficulties are unexpected? Because no one seeks suffering, it must come suddenly and outside of one's will to test our qualities, principles and methods. Bewilderment and painful struggle are the first reaction of all people when they encounter suffering. After the test, with affection, commitment, more resilience and strength, a new man is born. People are born twice, once physically and once spiritually, and both births begin with crying.


These eight years, you are so bitter, is your spiritual birth process, the crying is done.


Half of the family income of 5,000 mortgage, not a problem. Wages rose, inflation, two or three years later, 5,000 in your income is a much lower percentage.


Mortgage is not a big challenge to a happy life, but the following three.


It's hard to share the pain, and even harder to share the sweetness. You should always remember the time when your wife did not leave you and shared your debt with you, which is the main source of strength in your life and the main guarantee of happiness. Husband and wife together, life always gets better and better. In the future, rich and more temptations, do not have a different mind, especially men. Can not be sweet with many men, good days not a few days to engage in three or four, proving that they are not worthy of a good woman, but also not worthy of the respect of others. Who loves me let who is unlucky, the most love me the most unlucky, such a life, the big stink, is being punished.


Live a healthy life. Although no matter how hard you try, you may get sick, but the self-discipline system of healthy living will reduce the probability of getting sick. Quit smoking and less alcohol, emotional restraint, balanced nutrition, weight control, early to bed and early to rise, keep exercising, it is not about yourself, but to your family, have to do your best.


Business refinement. Afford to pay their salaries, to do well in the matter at hand, no matter what level, how the environment, do not be greedy, do not touch the fish, do not eat to smash the pot, otherwise, the bad temperament penetrate every pore of you, you will not understand, can not accept the good ideas and methods, corrupt the family and children and grandchildren.


You have suffered so much, the above three points must be able to do, can do well.


Have fun.


Lian Yue